When I started this blog, it was to share the experience of changing my life through changing my attitude toward food, weight loss, and the spiritual growth that was coming through my seeking to "restore the temple."
Since that time, I have been slack in my writing...life got in the way. A lot has happened. I have sought to be a "good steward" with all I have, to overcome the sloth and gluttony which had brought me to the poor physical shape I was in (and the shape my HOUSE was in). My new focus on stewardship resulted in an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and contentment with my life, improvement in my marriage, and a closer walk with God.
I was so content that my dream of parenting was cast away. In fact, the pain of childlessness was replaced with the positive outlook of the freedom we had from those types of responsibilities, overwhelming trust in knowing that we had a life that God was continually blessing, and a healing that could only be given by Christ. My healing was so complete, that I was able to volunteer to work the nursery at church with no painful thoughts or longing for my own baby.
And THEN, "it" happened. It started with a dream. Back in the spring, I dreamt that a toddler put his/her hands on my cheeks, his/her nose on my nose and said, "I love you, mommy" in the sweetest little voice. I went to school the next day and told my friend, Laura, how confused I was because I wasn't even looking to have kids anymore. We "aww"ed over it and I let it go. Months went by and life was good. We were settling into our new church, loving the time we had with my niece, and generally enjoying just "being." When summer came, my sister suggested that we foster and/or adopt, an A/C repairman suggested we adopt, and a waiter asked me if I had spoiled Paul for father's day (two weeks AFTER father's day). I dismissed all of that. But, on July 2nd, a phone call changed everything.
My friend called to inform me that a young woman she was close to was pregnant. She shared that this young woman and the baby's father had considered abortion, but that circumstances had resulted in her not having access to those services. She asked if I was interested in adopting the baby and shared that this young lady was not in a position to parent. I said that I would pray for the girl (and her baby). That night, a team of about 30 people was assembled via facebook to pray for God's will to be done in this young lady's life, that she would be granted comfort and peace, and that she would either grow up quickly to be a godly mother for her child, or - if God willed it - that she might choose to place her child - maybe even with us.
I began writing a letter to this young lady. It took nearly a week to craft as it was imperative to me that she be encouraged, offered comfort and peace and that I present to her the idea that things would be ok. Although I did mention adoption and share with her what an open adoption is, I focused on her role as being a new mother and encouraged her that everything could work out ok. That letter was sent to her this week along with my prayers, which have been continuous for her.
Perhaps we were "put together" so that we might provide a loving and secure home for her child. But, it's also possible that this was to simply encourage her and offer her godly love and support. What has happened since that phone call, though, indicates, at the very least, our interaction was God's way of awaking my old dream of motherhood.
The day after the phone call, I heard an ad on the radio for adoption. The weird thing was that I was listening to a station I always listen to and had never heard the commercial (nor have I heard it since). The commercial quoted scripture about adoption - pointing out that we are all adopted into God's family through Christ. So, I prayed, "God, if you are calling me to this, you know that I cannot pay for this. And, P and I are over 40, so finding a match will be difficult, I'm told. Lord if this is YOUR will, it's going to have to ALL be you." I prayed asking for signs and wonders, that God would lead me to know that I was within His will and that he would show me how this could be paid for. It was made clear that to be all about glorifying HIM that we could not take on any debt. I contacted attorneys and found that the cost would be between $20K and $30K depending on a mother's living expenses, for which we will be responsible after a match. I knew then, ONLY God can make this happen. After finding out the financial information, I prayed, "God, this is going to take a miracle - or few." The next morning, I logged onto facebook. The first meme I saw was of a child's hands releasing butterflies (kind of a "thing" for me). It read, "Be reasonable: plan for a miracle."
Since then, I've been inspired to create 3 art pieces which use scripture and focus on God's love for us as well as adoption. God has presented a myriad of ideas to use for fundraising. He has also led me to an attorney who is uniquely qualified to handle the adoption of the baby first presented to us (who is in a far away state - where THIS attorney happened to practice before he was here). Other attorneys have expressed inexperience and discomfort doing an adoption from that state. I didn't get the name of the attorney until I had been told a/that he could take that case and b/the person responsible for matches in that firm prays over the perspective adoptive families and the babies' mothers before presenting them to each other. His wife also works in adoption (for an agency). They are the Godwins...God Wins...I just had to smile.
So, the metamorphosis coming now is tremendous. The blog will now focus on the change God is making in us as well as the transformation of becoming a family. As with all metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly, I am looking forward to my contented, lovely life becoming even more beautiful as it emerges to become the butterfly of a family.
