When I started this blog, it was to share the experience of changing my life through changing my attitude toward food, weight loss, and the spiritual growth that was coming through my seeking to "restore the temple."
Since that time, I have been slack in my writing...life got in the way. A lot has happened. I have sought to be a "good steward" with all I have, to overcome the sloth and gluttony which had brought me to the poor physical shape I was in (and the shape my HOUSE was in). My new focus on stewardship resulted in an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and contentment with my life, improvement in my marriage, and a closer walk with God.
I was so content that my dream of parenting was cast away. In fact, the pain of childlessness was replaced with the positive outlook of the freedom we had from those types of responsibilities, overwhelming trust in knowing that we had a life that God was continually blessing, and a healing that could only be given by Christ. My healing was so complete, that I was able to volunteer to work the nursery at church with no painful thoughts or longing for my own baby.
And THEN, "it" happened. It started with a dream. Back in the spring, I dreamt that a toddler put his/her hands on my cheeks, his/her nose on my nose and said, "I love you, mommy" in the sweetest little voice. I went to school the next day and told my friend, Laura, how confused I was because I wasn't even looking to have kids anymore. We "aww"ed over it and I let it go. Months went by and life was good. We were settling into our new church, loving the time we had with my niece, and generally enjoying just "being." When summer came, my sister suggested that we foster and/or adopt, an A/C repairman suggested we adopt, and a waiter asked me if I had spoiled Paul for father's day (two weeks AFTER father's day). I dismissed all of that. But, on July 2nd, a phone call changed everything.
My friend called to inform me that a young woman she was close to was pregnant. She shared that this young woman and the baby's father had considered abortion, but that circumstances had resulted in her not having access to those services. She asked if I was interested in adopting the baby and shared that this young lady was not in a position to parent. I said that I would pray for the girl (and her baby). That night, a team of about 30 people was assembled via facebook to pray for God's will to be done in this young lady's life, that she would be granted comfort and peace, and that she would either grow up quickly to be a godly mother for her child, or - if God willed it - that she might choose to place her child - maybe even with us.
I began writing a letter to this young lady. It took nearly a week to craft as it was imperative to me that she be encouraged, offered comfort and peace and that I present to her the idea that things would be ok. Although I did mention adoption and share with her what an open adoption is, I focused on her role as being a new mother and encouraged her that everything could work out ok. That letter was sent to her this week along with my prayers, which have been continuous for her.
Perhaps we were "put together" so that we might provide a loving and secure home for her child. But, it's also possible that this was to simply encourage her and offer her godly love and support. What has happened since that phone call, though, indicates, at the very least, our interaction was God's way of awaking my old dream of motherhood.
The day after the phone call, I heard an ad on the radio for adoption. The weird thing was that I was listening to a station I always listen to and had never heard the commercial (nor have I heard it since). The commercial quoted scripture about adoption - pointing out that we are all adopted into God's family through Christ. So, I prayed, "God, if you are calling me to this, you know that I cannot pay for this. And, P and I are over 40, so finding a match will be difficult, I'm told. Lord if this is YOUR will, it's going to have to ALL be you." I prayed asking for signs and wonders, that God would lead me to know that I was within His will and that he would show me how this could be paid for. It was made clear that to be all about glorifying HIM that we could not take on any debt. I contacted attorneys and found that the cost would be between $20K and $30K depending on a mother's living expenses, for which we will be responsible after a match. I knew then, ONLY God can make this happen. After finding out the financial information, I prayed, "God, this is going to take a miracle - or few." The next morning, I logged onto facebook. The first meme I saw was of a child's hands releasing butterflies (kind of a "thing" for me). It read, "Be reasonable: plan for a miracle."
Since then, I've been inspired to create 3 art pieces which use scripture and focus on God's love for us as well as adoption. God has presented a myriad of ideas to use for fundraising. He has also led me to an attorney who is uniquely qualified to handle the adoption of the baby first presented to us (who is in a far away state - where THIS attorney happened to practice before he was here). Other attorneys have expressed inexperience and discomfort doing an adoption from that state. I didn't get the name of the attorney until I had been told a/that he could take that case and b/the person responsible for matches in that firm prays over the perspective adoptive families and the babies' mothers before presenting them to each other. His wife also works in adoption (for an agency). They are the Godwins...God Wins...I just had to smile.
So, the metamorphosis coming now is tremendous. The blog will now focus on the change God is making in us as well as the transformation of becoming a family. As with all metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly, I am looking forward to my contented, lovely life becoming even more beautiful as it emerges to become the butterfly of a family.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Monday, September 5, 2011
Restoring His Temple
Carefully crafted, I was created for His purpose.
My body was to be His temple
His vessel, full of His Spirit
Used to do His work.
Selfishly ambitious, I turned my back.
My body became my solitude,
My burden, void of true life
Used as a shell of existence
Painfully empty, my comfort was food
My soul cried out in isolation
My heart, aching and empty
Not sated by worldly things
Hopelessly lost, I padded my body
His temple? Not fit for a sinner.
His vessel? Too busy self-serving.
His work? Left undone by an ungrateful servant.
Humbly returning, I've knelt at the cross.
His temple decimated, now being restored
His servant, full of repentance
His work will now be joyfully completed.
My reward is His glory
My body, now surrendered, is His
My obedience - my love for Him
My blessings abound
My body was to be His temple
His vessel, full of His Spirit
Used to do His work.
Selfishly ambitious, I turned my back.
My body became my solitude,
My burden, void of true life
Used as a shell of existence
Painfully empty, my comfort was food
My soul cried out in isolation
My heart, aching and empty
Not sated by worldly things
Hopelessly lost, I padded my body
His temple? Not fit for a sinner.
His vessel? Too busy self-serving.
His work? Left undone by an ungrateful servant.
Humbly returning, I've knelt at the cross.
His temple decimated, now being restored
His servant, full of repentance
His work will now be joyfully completed.
My reward is His glory
My body, now surrendered, is His
My obedience - my love for Him
My blessings abound
Emergence
Wrapped snuggly
Warm
Comfortable
Safe
Yet.....
Unknown reality
Looms
Fearful
Unsure
Now...
Changing within
Transforming
Confident
Hopeful
Mindfully...
Outward focused
Soulful
Spirit-filled
Struggling
Finally...
Striving toward
Restoration
Surrender
Emergence
Friday, July 15, 2011
Does this count?
Ok, so in my one a day challenge, I made some promises to myself.
I read a LOT on line today...information about different beaches, mostly. Is that worthy of my time?
I also organized using the computer, the phone, and paper...but that was organizing a vacation - which has been sorely needed for my/our sanity. It's not moving "objects" around, rather setting up activities, making reservations, ensuring proper payment, etc. Does organization include event planning?
As for activity, I danced while cleaning the kitchen (unloading and reloading the dishwasher). And, I was in and out a lot playing ball with the dogs while working...somebody's got to throw the ball for them so they'll do their business. I even walked down the hill to the mailbox.
And, my creative piece is a poem (posted below) for school.
Here's the thing, I think that really I am the one who has ultimate say, right?
So, I did the creative writing thing. I am satisfied with the organization - it HAD to be done...though now it's time to make packing and grocery/Wal-mart lists for the trip. I guess I would say I did shortchange myself on the something active. And, I didn't read as much as I would like to out of an actual book.
But, today I'll be satisfied that I did "enough." Tomorrow, I will endeavor to do "better."
I read a LOT on line today...information about different beaches, mostly. Is that worthy of my time?
I also organized using the computer, the phone, and paper...but that was organizing a vacation - which has been sorely needed for my/our sanity. It's not moving "objects" around, rather setting up activities, making reservations, ensuring proper payment, etc. Does organization include event planning?
As for activity, I danced while cleaning the kitchen (unloading and reloading the dishwasher). And, I was in and out a lot playing ball with the dogs while working...somebody's got to throw the ball for them so they'll do their business. I even walked down the hill to the mailbox.
And, my creative piece is a poem (posted below) for school.
Here's the thing, I think that really I am the one who has ultimate say, right?
So, I did the creative writing thing. I am satisfied with the organization - it HAD to be done...though now it's time to make packing and grocery/Wal-mart lists for the trip. I guess I would say I did shortchange myself on the something active. And, I didn't read as much as I would like to out of an actual book.
But, today I'll be satisfied that I did "enough." Tomorrow, I will endeavor to do "better."
Diatomic Elements
Seven common elements
A friend by their side
Diatomic molecules
Couples bonded tight
They can make up many things
Forming different bonds
And when they get together
Splitting up is fun
Hydrogen ____, & Oxygen ____
Always hang around
Sometimes with a twin - in pairs
Or as a compound
Chlorine _____, Fluorine ___, Bromine ____, too
Then, there's Iodine ____
Hang together in the chart
A nonmetals line
There's one more you might not know
It's called Astatine ____
One that you will never use
When in class with me
Diatomic molecules
Aren't all the same
But the seven up above
You must know by name
A friend by their side
Diatomic molecules
Couples bonded tight
They can make up many things
Forming different bonds
And when they get together
Splitting up is fun
Hydrogen ____, & Oxygen ____
Always hang around
Sometimes with a twin - in pairs
Or as a compound
Chlorine _____, Fluorine ___, Bromine ____, too
Then, there's Iodine ____
Hang together in the chart
A nonmetals line
There's one more you might not know
It's called Astatine ____
One that you will never use
When in class with me
Diatomic molecules
Aren't all the same
But the seven up above
You must know by name
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Taking on the Challenge
Today I was inspired by an amazing woman who possesses the tenacity I've longed for in myself. I've always admired her.
She has taken on a "One a Day" challenge - one which is certain to transform. I chose to join her in that endeavor and will be doing my own one a day. I will do each of these things every day for 30 days. I suppose I can say that I will spend ONE hour each day on these...or work until it's accomplished, whichever comes first.
1. I will read something worthy of my time in addition to God's word, daily.
2. I will do something active daily for 30 days.
3. I will do something creative daily (photography, poetry, writing, other arts)
4. i will organize SOMETHING in my home, car or classroom daily for 30 days.
Today was day one...I did them all. Compelled by what to keep my word to myself, I don't know. But, within the process I found a part of myself that I'd been missing.
1. I'm reading books from my students' reading lists this summer so that when school resumes, I can discuss whichever book each child chose to read. Today I read Uprising, about the Triangle Factory Fire (though it's fiction). I'm enjoying getting some history in with an interesting tale of young ladies who represent actual lives that might have been affected by this tragedy. In addition, I had a special answer to prayer during my time with God today. ...more on that in a separate post.
2. It doesn't sound like much, but I spent time cleaning my house today as my "something active." I got a lot done. It's nice to look around and see that not only was I not my previously lazy self, but I now have a nicer space in which to live.
3. Before writing this entry, I wrote a more creative metaphoric piece. I'm not especially proud of it...well, not at all really...however, it is the first creative something I've done in a long while. I have a lot to write this summer for school next year...poems, stories, and songs for my students about our various science topics. So, I suppose this was a decent enough starting point....we'll see how it goes.
4. Organization is something I did WELL today. I re-organized several kitchen cabinets and got my "new food" put away...more on THAT in a separate post, too.
Life is better when one has a challenge to meet and isn't simply taking up air, existing. So, I owe my inspiration a giant THANK YOU.
Don't know if she'll read this, but Miss Hannah, I love you, woman. You continue to raise the bar and just your "going for it" encourages me to reach farther and try harder. I may never measure up to the gold standard you set, but I'm a better me than I was when I follow your lead.
She has taken on a "One a Day" challenge - one which is certain to transform. I chose to join her in that endeavor and will be doing my own one a day. I will do each of these things every day for 30 days. I suppose I can say that I will spend ONE hour each day on these...or work until it's accomplished, whichever comes first.
1. I will read something worthy of my time in addition to God's word, daily.
2. I will do something active daily for 30 days.
3. I will do something creative daily (photography, poetry, writing, other arts)
4. i will organize SOMETHING in my home, car or classroom daily for 30 days.
Today was day one...I did them all. Compelled by what to keep my word to myself, I don't know. But, within the process I found a part of myself that I'd been missing.
1. I'm reading books from my students' reading lists this summer so that when school resumes, I can discuss whichever book each child chose to read. Today I read Uprising, about the Triangle Factory Fire (though it's fiction). I'm enjoying getting some history in with an interesting tale of young ladies who represent actual lives that might have been affected by this tragedy. In addition, I had a special answer to prayer during my time with God today. ...more on that in a separate post.
2. It doesn't sound like much, but I spent time cleaning my house today as my "something active." I got a lot done. It's nice to look around and see that not only was I not my previously lazy self, but I now have a nicer space in which to live.
3. Before writing this entry, I wrote a more creative metaphoric piece. I'm not especially proud of it...well, not at all really...however, it is the first creative something I've done in a long while. I have a lot to write this summer for school next year...poems, stories, and songs for my students about our various science topics. So, I suppose this was a decent enough starting point....we'll see how it goes.
4. Organization is something I did WELL today. I re-organized several kitchen cabinets and got my "new food" put away...more on THAT in a separate post, too.
Life is better when one has a challenge to meet and isn't simply taking up air, existing. So, I owe my inspiration a giant THANK YOU.
Don't know if she'll read this, but Miss Hannah, I love you, woman. You continue to raise the bar and just your "going for it" encourages me to reach farther and try harder. I may never measure up to the gold standard you set, but I'm a better me than I was when I follow your lead.
Encased in a Cocoon
I've lived my life as a caterpillar
Plump and juicy
About my Father's business...sometimes
With purpose...often
Living to eat...for a while
Voracious appetite
for knowledge...and food
Not really watching the consequences
In my quest for MY way
I became destructive to myself and others
I saw myself as ugly
I'm sure many others did too
I continue to be far from what my Maker created me to be
God sees what I will become - He has always known
Only recently did I decide
It is time
Total transformation
Letting go of the caterpillar I am
The process has begun
I am now encased in God's cocoon.
Plump and juicy
About my Father's business...sometimes
With purpose...often
Living to eat...for a while
Voracious appetite
for knowledge...and food
Not really watching the consequences
In my quest for MY way
I became destructive to myself and others
I saw myself as ugly
I'm sure many others did too
I continue to be far from what my Maker created me to be
God sees what I will become - He has always known
Only recently did I decide
It is time
Total transformation
Letting go of the caterpillar I am
The process has begun
I am now encased in God's cocoon.
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